Ahh, HIPAA: all you have done for me so far is keep me away from my own lab work.
After days of browbeating my doctor's office for lab results, I finally get a call today: "Mr. Swanson? Your hemoglobin — that's your red blood cells — is a little high, as is what we call your hematocrit. Dr. [redacted] suggests you go see your GP."
I felt like Bruce Banner. All I could think of, after all the run-arounds and phone calls to nowhere, was "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
So I tried to stay calm and just say "Um, alright, can I have any abnormal data?"
She paused, almost stuttering. "You, uh, want the actual numbers?"
I lost it. "Yes, of course I want the numbers! What good is data without actual numbers? How can I make informed decisions without actual data?"
She was aghast, clearly. "Well, what do you want?"
"Anything abnormal."
"For all of it?"
"Well, yes, of course. Give me the results of the dig check and the BNP, plus anything out of range in the CMP and the CBC/diff — and I know the crit, hgb, and platelet will be off, so let's start with those."
She was stammering. "Um, uh, what ones did you want again?"
Sigh.
She gave me most of the abnormals, except on the CMP. She reverted back to infanti-care for that one: "And on the CMP, one of your liver indicators was slightly off."
Must… not… snarl… "Ah, let me guess, bilirubin, right?"
Again, I seem to be rocking the world of this poor nurse's aide: a LAY PERSON who is asking after the CROWN JEWELS of MEDICAL KNOWLEDGE! "Uh, um, yes, that's right."
Needless to say, she gave me the value.
After I got off the phone, I let loose with a short rant to the effect of "heaven forfend I want the read DATA with which to make INFORMED DECISIONS about my own HEALTH CARE!" Neal (who had been standing there waiting for me to finish) just smiled tightly and said, "That wouldn't be BITTER I heard just there, was it?"
I laughed ruefully — well, as best I could with this annoying little cold. "No, no. I'm not bitter."
Without missing a beat he simply responded, "Oh, that's right, I confuse that with homicidal rage all the time."
Then we went for Chinese food. But, hey; at least I got the abnormal values.
Now to fight with Medical Records to get full faxes of everything….
